Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
