Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
