"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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