good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
