i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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