I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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