I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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