I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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