Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
