On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
