My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
