Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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