Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
