When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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