Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
