So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
