It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
