I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
