tell your sister to shave her snatch
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
