we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
