please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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