This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
