Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
