you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
