No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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