Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
