I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
