could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
