apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im six kinds of drunk right now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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