bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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