just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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