don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
