Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
