Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
