If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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