She is in my trunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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