having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm like, not good at living.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
