So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
