He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
