I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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