Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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