Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
