Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
