I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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