Just fell off a train. Bad.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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