No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
