Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize