all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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