wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
