Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
