I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
