Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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